Braylon update:
Had a follow up appointment with the veterinary oncologist today and we decided on a treatment plan for Bray. He will get a chemo pill every three weeks and will also take a steroid (prednisone) every day. She was so happy with the difference one week and some medicine made. He is a completely different dog today than he was one week ago.
The not so awesome news is that with this treatment, average life span is 6 months. We are just really glad that we are getting the opportunity to have a bit more time with him.
Thanks to the steroid he thinks he is starving all the time so he is moping a lot and licking his bowl and giving me sad eyes. I told him he wasn't going to get to play the cancer card on me every day, and that he had to pick and choose when he wanted to bring that out :-)
He is a happy boy again, and today he was actually playing in the backyard with Jake and I haven't seen him do that in quite a while. I've got my buddy back, and will have him for just a short time more, but I will cherish every moment that I get to spend with him!!
Friday, August 31, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Looking for you pt 2
I decided to make two entries instead of one big one so maybe you won't be as bored thinking you have to read one HUGE entry!
I've always been a Christian, always been a believer, but I wasn't "walking the walk" so to say. I knew God existed and I have seen the many miracles He has performed within my family, so I knew He was God. But I didn't know Him.
In my feelings of being lost I had a dream. I awoke so abruptly one night (before Noah was born) with the following words BLARING in my head...."make it count." What the heck? Make it count? Make WHAT count? Who said that? WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?!?!
I truly believe it was God talking to me. I believe He was telling me just that - make it count. "It" was everything....life, being a wife, being a mother, being a friend, etc. Make it count. Shortly after Noah was born (and I forgot about this as I was having a wonderful conversation with my pastor) I had an experience in church that almost brought me to my knees but didn't because I was holding Noah. We were singing "The Power of Your Love" and the sermon was about forgiveness for yourself and forgiving others. I felt Him right beside me; I felt His powerful presence and it was truly amazing.
I have been on yet another journey but this time it's a good one :-) I have been getting to know God, really getting to know Him. I have been doing a lot of studying and reading and I have finally found my path, I've found what God has been calling me to do. I want to be a youth minister!!! (Now, this isn't something that will happen until the boys are in school, but I have a lot of work to do in the meantime getting my Bible straight haha!).
Now, I know some of you reading this are probably rolling your eyes, or even laughing (especially if you are imagining college Mandi and youth minstry!). I'll be the first to admit that I've never really fully "acted" the Christian part. I'm not perfect, I'm not born again - I've just found God, really found Him. I have a lot of learning yet to do, and I have to really work on myself at times to act or think the way that God wants me to. However, that doesn't change the fact that I really feel He has called on me to spread His word and to work with others and help them to find Him the same way I found Him.
It's really an incredible feeling. I feel like a brand new person. All the weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Feeling worried? Nope! I give it all to God. Feeling depressed? Nope! I give that to God, too!
How many times have you ever said "I'll have to see it to believe it"? I know I've said it a lot. Guess what? I've never seen God (or Jesus) but I believe in them. You don't always have to see something to believe it / believe IN it. Faith is such an amazing thing. Faith is knowing that God is always there for me; He is always with me and nothing is too big or too small to give to Him. He is there for just that!
What I admire most about God and Jesus is that they love everyone and their love is endless NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE.
If you think that you want to go on this journey, too, let me know! I would love to have a partner in crime (for lack of better words haha)! If you want to just talk about God I can tell you all of the great things He has done for me in my life, and the miracles He has worked on my family and friends. From cancer to just feeling down and out, He has always been there for the ones I love, and He is always there for you!
I've always been a Christian, always been a believer, but I wasn't "walking the walk" so to say. I knew God existed and I have seen the many miracles He has performed within my family, so I knew He was God. But I didn't know Him.
In my feelings of being lost I had a dream. I awoke so abruptly one night (before Noah was born) with the following words BLARING in my head...."make it count." What the heck? Make it count? Make WHAT count? Who said that? WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?!?!
I truly believe it was God talking to me. I believe He was telling me just that - make it count. "It" was everything....life, being a wife, being a mother, being a friend, etc. Make it count. Shortly after Noah was born (and I forgot about this as I was having a wonderful conversation with my pastor) I had an experience in church that almost brought me to my knees but didn't because I was holding Noah. We were singing "The Power of Your Love" and the sermon was about forgiveness for yourself and forgiving others. I felt Him right beside me; I felt His powerful presence and it was truly amazing.
I have been on yet another journey but this time it's a good one :-) I have been getting to know God, really getting to know Him. I have been doing a lot of studying and reading and I have finally found my path, I've found what God has been calling me to do. I want to be a youth minister!!! (Now, this isn't something that will happen until the boys are in school, but I have a lot of work to do in the meantime getting my Bible straight haha!).
Now, I know some of you reading this are probably rolling your eyes, or even laughing (especially if you are imagining college Mandi and youth minstry!). I'll be the first to admit that I've never really fully "acted" the Christian part. I'm not perfect, I'm not born again - I've just found God, really found Him. I have a lot of learning yet to do, and I have to really work on myself at times to act or think the way that God wants me to. However, that doesn't change the fact that I really feel He has called on me to spread His word and to work with others and help them to find Him the same way I found Him.
It's really an incredible feeling. I feel like a brand new person. All the weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Feeling worried? Nope! I give it all to God. Feeling depressed? Nope! I give that to God, too!
How many times have you ever said "I'll have to see it to believe it"? I know I've said it a lot. Guess what? I've never seen God (or Jesus) but I believe in them. You don't always have to see something to believe it / believe IN it. Faith is such an amazing thing. Faith is knowing that God is always there for me; He is always with me and nothing is too big or too small to give to Him. He is there for just that!
What I admire most about God and Jesus is that they love everyone and their love is endless NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE.
If you think that you want to go on this journey, too, let me know! I would love to have a partner in crime (for lack of better words haha)! If you want to just talk about God I can tell you all of the great things He has done for me in my life, and the miracles He has worked on my family and friends. From cancer to just feeling down and out, He has always been there for the ones I love, and He is always there for you!
Looking for you pt 1
Just a disclaimer - I get pretty candid and open in this post (and the next). I've not really ever been one to keep things private; I like to share my feelings and thoughts and experiences in hopes that they will help someone else who might be going through something similar, but aren't as open as I am. So, you've been warned.
A year ago about this time I started on a journey, and it wasn't a journey that I knew I was starting and it wasn't exactly a "good" journey.
I headed into a really dark place. It wasn't until recently, as I look back, that I am really disgusted with the person I was. I was able to cover it up in front of many, but it was there. Dark Mandi was there.
I had a lot of anger and resentment and just swept a lot of things under the rug because I didn't want to deal with them. Thanks to my therapist, I have really been able to "feel my feelings" and deal with the emotions and move past them. It's really weird because I was able to be very emotional and show emotions, but I was equally as good at squashing them and ignoring them.
I had/have been struggling a lot with self image. Thankfully, that is something I have control over...I just need to do something about it! With a change in lifestyle I can make that happen - so Mandi, as Nike says - "Just Do It!".
The biggest issue is that I felt like I was lost. Completely lost. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful little boys; but I just felt like I wasn't doing anything worthwhile. I'm not saying I thought I was worthless; just felt that I wasn't bringing anything to the table.....anyone's table. I know that sounds completely silly because I was home with one and then TWO children basically 24 hours a day, taking care of them, teaching them, feeding them, etc, so I know that in that sense I was making a difference. Yet I still had a feeling of emptiness inside.
Another issue I had was that I felt I was so alone. I knew that all I had to do was call my bestie S.W. and that I wasn't alone, but I didn't know I wasn't alone. I felt like I was so empty inside and that there was no bright light in sight. I was depressed. Really depressed.
And the last of my "bigger" issues really stems way back in feeling like I wasn't accepted. I went through a lot at school because I was bigger. I remember a very specific incident when, in 12th grade, I was wearing a really pretty red sweater. At the time, the LONG sweaters were in, so it went down to my thighs. I was in Mrs. P's class and I had left the room for something. When I came back there was some sign taped to the outside of the door in reference to "Clifford the Big Red Dog." I know who did it, and I know that friends of mine thought it was funny. But it wasn't. It was bullying and it hurt. And it has stayed with me since then. That's just one example. I guess my point is that the unacceptance that I felt then has really affected the person I am today. And it wasn't just about my appearance, either, it had a lot to do with feeling like I had let people down and that I didn't measure up to what they wanted. I'm not speaking about specific people....teachers, coaches, teammates, classmates, etc.
So, where am I going with this? It gets better. You might think that it won't, but it does. Talk to someone, talk about the things that are weighing you down because I can GUARANTEE that once you do it will feel like they have been lifted off of your shoulders. And you remember what I said about feeling empty and depressed and like I couldn't see the light?? I talked to someone and I don't feel empty or depressed and I have a lot of light in my life.
A year ago about this time I started on a journey, and it wasn't a journey that I knew I was starting and it wasn't exactly a "good" journey.
I headed into a really dark place. It wasn't until recently, as I look back, that I am really disgusted with the person I was. I was able to cover it up in front of many, but it was there. Dark Mandi was there.
I had a lot of anger and resentment and just swept a lot of things under the rug because I didn't want to deal with them. Thanks to my therapist, I have really been able to "feel my feelings" and deal with the emotions and move past them. It's really weird because I was able to be very emotional and show emotions, but I was equally as good at squashing them and ignoring them.
I had/have been struggling a lot with self image. Thankfully, that is something I have control over...I just need to do something about it! With a change in lifestyle I can make that happen - so Mandi, as Nike says - "Just Do It!".
The biggest issue is that I felt like I was lost. Completely lost. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful little boys; but I just felt like I wasn't doing anything worthwhile. I'm not saying I thought I was worthless; just felt that I wasn't bringing anything to the table.....anyone's table. I know that sounds completely silly because I was home with one and then TWO children basically 24 hours a day, taking care of them, teaching them, feeding them, etc, so I know that in that sense I was making a difference. Yet I still had a feeling of emptiness inside.
Another issue I had was that I felt I was so alone. I knew that all I had to do was call my bestie S.W. and that I wasn't alone, but I didn't know I wasn't alone. I felt like I was so empty inside and that there was no bright light in sight. I was depressed. Really depressed.
And the last of my "bigger" issues really stems way back in feeling like I wasn't accepted. I went through a lot at school because I was bigger. I remember a very specific incident when, in 12th grade, I was wearing a really pretty red sweater. At the time, the LONG sweaters were in, so it went down to my thighs. I was in Mrs. P's class and I had left the room for something. When I came back there was some sign taped to the outside of the door in reference to "Clifford the Big Red Dog." I know who did it, and I know that friends of mine thought it was funny. But it wasn't. It was bullying and it hurt. And it has stayed with me since then. That's just one example. I guess my point is that the unacceptance that I felt then has really affected the person I am today. And it wasn't just about my appearance, either, it had a lot to do with feeling like I had let people down and that I didn't measure up to what they wanted. I'm not speaking about specific people....teachers, coaches, teammates, classmates, etc.
So, where am I going with this? It gets better. You might think that it won't, but it does. Talk to someone, talk about the things that are weighing you down because I can GUARANTEE that once you do it will feel like they have been lifted off of your shoulders. And you remember what I said about feeling empty and depressed and like I couldn't see the light?? I talked to someone and I don't feel empty or depressed and I have a lot of light in my life.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Well, it's August 27th, 2012 and I think I need a new blog. It's not just Scotty so Hotty anymore.....we have added Noah to our family and I just think I need a new blog that reflects what's going on in my life. I didn't want to start a new one, but it wouldn't let me change the name on the old one. Or, at least I couldn't find where to change it :-)
A Lady and her Loves is all about the things I love! My family (Nick, Scott and Noah), my pets, my amazing friends, my LIFE (yep, even the times I am beside myself and am so frustrated!)....and my list actually goes on and on.
For those of you who do not know me, I am a 31 year old wife and mother of two boys. Nick is my husband, and we will celebrate six years of wedded bliss this November (2012). Scott is 2.5 years old and Noah is 6 months. We also have three pets. Braylon and Jake (7 and 4 years, respectively) are boxers and Sammy (9 years) is our cat. We also have a beta fish named Bo who is about 3 years old and we just got our son Scott an aquarium with four fish, which he feeds twice daily.
I am a stay at home mom and also have two businesses. I am a consultant with Scentsy (https://sniffscentsationally.scentsy.us) and Grace Adele, a new brand from Scentsy (https://alsmith.graceadele.us).
So, there you have it in a nutshell. I hope that you find my ramblings, er, writings entertaining enough to keep coming back!
~M
A Lady and her Loves is all about the things I love! My family (Nick, Scott and Noah), my pets, my amazing friends, my LIFE (yep, even the times I am beside myself and am so frustrated!)....and my list actually goes on and on.
For those of you who do not know me, I am a 31 year old wife and mother of two boys. Nick is my husband, and we will celebrate six years of wedded bliss this November (2012). Scott is 2.5 years old and Noah is 6 months. We also have three pets. Braylon and Jake (7 and 4 years, respectively) are boxers and Sammy (9 years) is our cat. We also have a beta fish named Bo who is about 3 years old and we just got our son Scott an aquarium with four fish, which he feeds twice daily.
I am a stay at home mom and also have two businesses. I am a consultant with Scentsy (https://sniffscentsationally.scentsy.us) and Grace Adele, a new brand from Scentsy (https://alsmith.graceadele.us).
So, there you have it in a nutshell. I hope that you find my ramblings, er, writings entertaining enough to keep coming back!
~M
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